my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
