we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
