you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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