Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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