I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
