respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
