I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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