I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is wine microwaveable?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
