You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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