oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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