YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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