she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
