She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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