One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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