Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
how does that bad decision feel?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
