Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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