she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
