I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
