OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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