I think im going to throw up on grandma
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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