I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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