Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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