I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
