I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
