After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
