You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
