I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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