dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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