I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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