I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
