The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
