Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
