I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
