WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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