his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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