just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
