Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
