That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
