Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
