Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
