i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
