we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
