I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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