I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
