I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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