And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
