between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
