i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
