These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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