The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
