I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
