We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
