Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
