It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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